Guest Blog: Share the Drop
Kelly Cox is a local registered prenatal yoga teacher, birth doula, and co-founder of Share the Drop, the first commerce-free app that matches breast milk donations to recipients in real-time.
Can you share what shaped the creation of Share the Drop?
SO much shaped Share the Drop; it's hard to know where to start. I owned and operated Bend Yoga here in Charlottesville for a decade. I spent my days with women trying to conceive, those who successfully did, and all the new mamas. I was a yogi for a long time before Bend, but I was never interested in working with pregnant women. Once I caught the bug, I became obsessed. I do not have children; it never occurred to me, but I love teaching pre and postnatal yoga, and I have been a birth doula for a decade. I was a mental health therapist before opening Bend, and was always working with clients through that lens. I heard a lot about the struggles of pregnancy and new motherhood, and the most stressful and anxiety-filled conversations were about breastfeeding. It is so easy to tell women how natural it is, yet it can be very difficult for a variety of reasons. I sent women with an excess of milk to Facebook groups to donate and always got the same feedback: it was clunky and time-consuming, and they rarely found it worked for them. I found myself functioning as a local milk broker, getting extra from some mothers and getting it to families in need. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017, fellow survivors began to ask how I could help them get breast milk for their babies. One night, while connecting two local mothers via email, I got a notification on my phone from Bumble - if I could find a romantic prospect through an app, why couldn't these mothers use the same technology? Share the Drop was born at that moment.
Tell us more about Share the Drop and how it works.
Share the Drop is a web-based app that connects any woman with excess breast milk (more than her child can consume) to any family wanting to find it for their infants. Donors and recipients create an account using their zip code. I want to make sure we can get breast milk to any infant in need without the expense of shipping it. I am also a huge fan of building community. We don't live in a community with our extended family anymore; if parents can meet others in the same phase of life, I hope they start to build their own tribes of support. We encourage users to use the messaging feature to talk about lifestyles, mutual friends, local resources - anything that allows them to feel safe sharing and receiving milk.
What are some misconceptions about breastfeeding and/or milk-sharing that you wish you could help clear up?
The main misconception is that informal milk sharing is not safe. Sharing breast milk has been a practice for centuries; I am just adding a modern twist to it. One of my advisors is a neonatologist who said very early on, 'The questions you should ask a milk donor are the same questions you should ask someone before you sleep with them.' Vetting a milk donor should be treated the same as meeting a stranger for a date. Be informed, and ask as many questions about them and their lifestyle as you need to. Ask if you have common friends, then ask those friends about the donor. Upon onboarding, we ask donors if they are willing to share any recent medical lab results they have; if they agree, we add a medical icon to their profile so recipients know this is one more safety measure they can use. (no medical lab results are ever uploaded to the app!). We offer branded guidelines for talking with donors and how to handle milk safely. I had my tech team build in a report button; anyone who thinks a user is on the app for nefarious reasons can report them and I am notified immediately. We offer education about testing strips for alcohol and encourage home pasteurization for those who are still concerned about safety. Our biggest safety feature lies in our unwavering decision to never allow donors to be paid for their milk. I very much respect the time and effort it takes to pump and store milk to be donated. Once we open the doors to paying for milk, the risk of fraudulent behavior spikes; anyone could pass anything off as breast milk for income, which can be detrimental to infants.
Is there anything expecting moms can do to better help prepare for the breastfeeding journey? (if they chose to/are able to)?
I always talk to prenatal clients about the pregnancy/birth being the sprint; the marathon is the first year of parenthood - feeding an infant, sleep, etc. I encourage those interested to take a breastfeeding class while they are pregnant and to have their partners join as well (if they have a partner). They can attend local breastfeeding support groups as well. The more you can learn before your baby's arrival, the better. Grandparents can also be encouraged to take educational classes about newborn care; when we have more current practices shared by experts, it can offer more support for new parents. Finally, breastfeeding does not have to be the answer for all mothers; I encourage educating yourself and informed consent; there should be no shame if breastfeeding does not work for families or if they do not have the ability to produce milk.
What are words of support you can provide to someone who is really struggling with breastfeeding, both physically and mentally?
First of all, we need to normalize talking about breastfeeding and options a lot more than we do. New mothers are often isolated during the first months of parenthood, so encouraging more social support is great. When talking to families about feeding an infant, they should be given all options: exclusive breastfeeding, exclusive pumping, combo feeding, donor milk, and formula. There is enough shaming that comes with parenthood; explaining options and allowing people to make their own decisions is more supportive. I always encourage new parents to talk openly with care providers, seek lactation support from an IBCLC or a group, and seek out therapy if needed.
What would you say to someone considering milk-sharing or receiving?
Talk about it! You never know who else has gone down this route. The reason it seems like such a foreign concept to a lot of people is that we (society) does not talk openly enough about breastfeeding and the struggles of postpartum enough. We spend so much energy on the pregnancy and assume as soon as babies arrive, parents are just blissed out. We buy them all the things and don't spend nearly enough time or effort on making sure they have the support they need. Talk to your providers, see a lactation consultant, and ask your best friends if they ever donated or received milk. You may be surprised at how often families are sharing!
Anything else you would like to say or share?
We don't often think outside the box when it comes to feeding infants; some families will breastfeed, and others will choose formula. There are many reasons breastfeeding may not work for some, and there are populations who do not have the ability to produce milk at all. Breast cancer survivors, same-sex couples, and adoptive/foster/surrogate families may not be physically able to produce milk. Educating all caregivers that informal sharing is an option can greatly help build more community.
